A Few of Clarices' Favorite Posts: New York--If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere

Every day is a test....a test of self-worth, motivation, perseverance, morale...a test of survival.

And that is the hardest test of all. New York is a big monster. It's hard, it's suffocating, it's overwhelming. Everyone in this city scratches each others eyes out trying to get to the top of their game. Everyone is constantly racing--so much so that we don't notice ourselves changing in the process.

Even the warmest of hearts develops the quintessential "New York mentality" that being a selfish biatch as the only route to success. I bawl my eyes out on a weekly basis....I long for the vacation that will seemingly never arrive...every time I get somewhat comfortable, the god of New York sends down a lightening bolt to shake things up, so my soul is constantly rattled.

Yet somehow, at this moment in my life, there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I thrive on the fast pace...god knows I've got the legs to make the long strides. I love the sights, the sounds, the smells (well most of them), and the driving force that keeps this city in motion.

I hate the torture of instability, yet I thrive on the knowledge that I am no more unstable than the person standing next to me on the overcrowded subway car.

This past year has been nothing short of the wildest and hardest roller coaster of my life. It was a period of change--of becoming an adult. A period of learning lessons the hard way, of starting to find myself amidst the sea of other's perceptions, of sorting the things I always thought I wanted from the things I actually do want. A period of making mistakes, making even bigger mistakes, making the hugest mistakes of my life thus far, and still waking up the next day breathing and moving forward.

New York has tried its hardest to change me, to change my values, to harden my heart. And I'll admit, it has come pretty damn close to making me question everything I ever believed.

When I was a kid, I would always fall with my hands out to the side, I would fall hard, leaving my face a bloody mess but my hands scratch-free. I still fall hard today--in life and love--my hands still don't block my fall. I don't want them to. I think every scratch on my heart, every scar on my body is a lesson I needed to learn or a story I needed to tell. Thanks to NY, I have several new scratches and scars. Even though they hurt initially, I am all the better for them.

In a way, NYC has made me a much more needy person. I look around at everyone in this city and see the successful suits, the canoodling couples, the independence and I want it all. I need it all. The more I see, the more I want. This has, in turn, increased my drive for success, my expectations in love, my reliance on all that grounds me. I know I can always count on a solid three ladies in my life to have drinks with, to gossip with, to bitch about men with and to cry with when everything else seems like a complete disaster.

New York has a way of making everyone feel unlucky....unluky in career, unlucky in love, unlucky in life. But it also makes you realize the things that are constant...those people who would willingly give their lives for yours.

What most don't realize is that everyone in this city is lucky: Lucky to be able to afford such high rent (even if they do work 120 hours a week) and still be able to eat/go out/keep up with the constant changing trends; lucky to be pursuing their dreams; lucky to have the world at their fingertips; lucky to be making the connections they may not even see as important--but will be somewhere down the line; lucky to fall in and out of love; lucky to be who they want to be; lucky to have the freedoms they do; lucky...just lucky.

It's hard to realize all that you have, when we constantly focus on what we don't. Sometimes we see and recognize our mistakes in life...sometimes we blame ourselves for our unlucky circumstances when we are not to blame.

REG remarked how she feels for all the nyc newbies who've just arrived-eyes wide with hope, unaware and unprepared for the stressful year ahead. They are virgins. We can give them all the horror stories, all the "loss of virginity" experiences, but that will only go so far.

Each person has a similar yet extremely different and extremely personal story of losing their NYC virginity. I can hope people learn from that which I experienced, but everyone at some point has to experience it for themselves and learn how to deal. Once you get past that first year, once you break into it, and find your groove, you'll realize just how great this city is. It's a city that can produce orgasms of life more explosive and renewing than anything the newbies can possibily fathom.

All I can say is God bless. NYC is a really hard city, and if you can make it here, you most certainly can make it anywhere. I may not find the love of my life in this city and I may not find all of the success I seek, but for now, I'm young and I'm not giving up hope.

Afterall, the greatest thing about this city is that things can change in the blink of an eye. The moments you don't seek are the moments you often find...and just when you've given up all hope, something extraordinary is waiting around the corner.